It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
