Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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