Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
