The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
