she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
