You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
