Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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