she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
