I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
