I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
