so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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