I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
