I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
