She announced her abortion via fbk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
