I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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