i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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