I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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