I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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