how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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