ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
