A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
