i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
