The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
