doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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