Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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