you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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