We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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