At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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