i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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