HIV tests are more positive than that guy
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
