so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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