ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Randomize
