i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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