dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
zippers are such a cool invention
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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