i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
