it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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