Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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