Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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