the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
