can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
