So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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