is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
