He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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