I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
