im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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