if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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