omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
