In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
