I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
