ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
